The Confusion Begins

To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley

Subject: From the Desk of the MIoCFE

It is with hope and no small measure of pride that I approach you in my new capacity as Chairman of the Moorgate Institute of Classical Female Elders. My appointment is a matter of great personal pride since, as I am sure you are aware, it was my great-grandmother who founded the society almost 150 years ago.

In the interests of promoting goodwill between our groups, I would like to extend an olive branch to you and other members of the Penge Institute for Ladies of the Night (Victoria Branch). This is in the hope that events of the recent past may be put to rest and a new era of co-operation begin.

To this end I would like to extend an invitation to you and your members to join us at informal meeting at some point in the coming weeks. In the interests of democracy I would like to leave the choice of venue in your more than capable hands.

This decision is also partially due to the behaviour of our own Miss Twigham whose antics have somewhat reduced our options down to two public houses and what can only be described as a tatty fish-restaurant off the London Wall. Many of our members are getting more than a little bored with these options – except Miss Haversham for whom the sushi-bar stirs inexplicably fond memories – and we would relish a change of scene.

I hope that your members will be amenable to this suggestion and that our own long-standing association will allow us all to overcome recent disputes and engender a new sense of co-operation between our two groups.

Yours with the fondest regards,

Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe

Words of Wisdom

Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.

— Tom Wilson

Top Tip!

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    Miss Flaubert recommends Vicks Vapo-rub for keeping cats out of your garden. As long as you’re careful the creeping tom will merely be stunned by the jar, but not permanently damaged (thus avoiding any complications with the Bow Street runners).