Featured Tip
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Recent casualties have brought to our attention that users of the “Wilberforce Patent Double-Gusset and Splashback” should remember said items are perishable and should be regularly replaced in order to avoid whiplash.
Random Tips
Health Warning
The current condition of Miss Barleycombe reminds us of some advice that should serve future generations well: do not drink Dettol.
Stained Steel
Baby oil is excellent for cleaning brushed stainless steel. However it is not advisable to squeeze it from your neighbours’ babies. Instead choose one from a few streets away so no suspicion falls on you.
An Urgent Word of Warning
The pending cases against Miss Totteridge remind us that, due to the enactment of various homicide acts, it is categorically not legal to shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow on a Sunday in any city.
Vegetables
Ms. Zimmer insists on us recommending cucumbers. She indicates that they are exceedingly effective but has not yet elaborated how.
Dealing with Heavy Soiling
To remove heavy soiling, coat the offending area with melted chocolate and inform the local children that the item is sheet chocolate. Once the chocolate has been sucked out the item should be clean and can be washed as normal.