Featured Tip
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Recent casualties have brought to our attention that users of the “Wilberforce Patent Double-Gusset and Splashback” should remember said items are perishable and should be regularly replaced in order to avoid whiplash.
Random Tips
The Joy of Drip-Drying
In clement weather, peg your laundry on the clothes-line rather than using the electric dryer. Drip-drying in this fashion will not only save money but also saves wear on clothes, towels, sheets and – it transpires – poodles.
Dealing with Heavy Soiling
To remove heavy soiling, coat the offending area with melted chocolate and inform the local children that the item is sheet chocolate. Once the chocolate has been sucked out the item should be clean and can be washed as normal.
An Urgent Word of Warning
The pending cases against Miss Totteridge remind us that, due to the enactment of various homicide acts, it is categorically not legal to shoot a Welshman with a bow and arrow on a Sunday in any city.
Five a Day
Many members are concerned they are not getting enough greens in their diet due to soaring vegetable prices. Miss Trubshawe, however, suggests they simply turn off their all-electric refrigeration cabinet. Given enough time, she assures us, everything inside the device will become green.
Caring for Pets
With regards to selecting a suitable pet for the home we are reminded of the case of Miss Philby who was a great animal lover and whom animals loved in return. Sadly, after her death only her trick knee, a false eye and some very well-fed animals could be found. Our advice is to steer clear of anything larger than a goldfish.