Down the Tubes
To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington Smythe
Subject: Evacuation
Dearest Clammy.
I think I have it! Once Enid’s size is reduced we will set off the old air raid siren and hope that the reverberations inside the old air raid shelter will confuse her enough to follow the trail of wine.
Thankfully we are ahead of you regards her current enormity. Ms. Zimmer is in the process of trying to reduce Enid somewhat with a diet of polystyrene granules and saccharined horse glue in lieu of peanut brittle. The concoction is proving particularly effective in reducing her girth, though it is hard on the plumbing and we have had to use a sharpened walking stick to clear the occasional blockage.
I have called in one or two favours and the ladies of the Municipal United Subway Transport Group have grudgingly allowed us use of their 1938 Underground Driver Car which they will be arranging to be halted at Borough.
I have taken the liberty of contacting key members of Transport for London for their assistance and, after the disappearance of two of the executives who went to investigate the shelter, they are willing to do what they can to assist.
I am also engaged in peeling further ginger ready for Ms. Zimmer to apply at the appropriate moment.
Would you by any chance be able to man the stations southbound? I realise that this means you will have to be in charge of the ginger wine, but I honestly can’t think of a safer pair of hands.
Bats.