The Kerb-Crawling of Ms. Alice Zimmer
To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley
Subject: Apologies
Sheba,
I must apologise for the delay in communicating. You have doubtless read of the unfortunate night at the spiritualist last month and it has taken me eight days to eradicate the stench of burning chicken fat from my best corduroy trouser suit.
To be honest I felt it was an ill-advised venture from the start. My concerns, however, became solid fact when Ms. Zimmer herself appeared to be coming through on the astral plane. And it must be said that the competing dialogues from two separate personifications of Cleopatra really stretched credibility to the limit (especially since one of them spoke Egyptian with a Newcastle accent).
I am most relieved to discover that Townsend Thoreson were not handling our journey – indeed I understand they have, as Miss Finch put it, “gone under” – since I am still finding their playing cards in my hosiery even now.
Plus of course Miss Marchant still manages to raise a smile when you remind her of the Lego ferry kits. (We can be thankful, however, that she has managed to refrain from glazing over and saying “nodules” in that upsettingly wistful way).
I have to confess I am unaware of this ‘Respect’ organisation through which you have reserved our cabins. I am sure that they’re reputable, but we have has some unusual experiences in our time and it would be unfortunate to have chosen a company of ill repute (again).
I have come to realise that safety is not something to be trifled with, and as the Zeebrugge trip rather thinned our numbers I would rather be safe than sorry.
Although I fear I may regret going in search of what is doubtless forbidden knowledge, may I ask what it is that Ms. Zimmer has decided to pack?
C.