The Hackney Marsh Debacle of 2002

To: Marjorie Bathsheba Catheter Jodrell-Bentley

Subject: The Annual Gathering

My dearest Bathsheba,

It was such a charming surprise to see you on Saturday. I had no idea you were intending to visit the All-Women’s Volleyball and Crafts Tournament and your presence made the afternoon that much more delightful.

Once again it seems that the only regrettable occurrence (aside from the unexpected collapse of Ms Havelock’s support bra during the final heats) was the resurgence of the rivalry between our two more recalcitrant members.

I am, however, pleased to say that Miss Twigham has now finally agreed to corroborate our story and so from now on the event will not be considered a critical appraisal of Ms. Zimmer’s charming waste-paper basket but a tragic misunderstanding as to its intended function.

I am pleased to report, however, that some good has come out of this sorry tale and that following the concerns expressed by several bystanders Miss Twigham has agreed to consult her general practitioner with a view to obtaining dietary advice.

My attention is now turning to the Inter-Society Gathering which fast approaches. In previous years of course it has always been deemed necessary to keep our particular groups apart for the duration, but with our new found spirit of co-operation the organising committee were wondering whether your ladies might be able to assist us with the travel arrangements.

This year we have decided to move from Finsbury Park to Hackney in the hope that the occasion will be somewhat more sedate this year. I for one will not be sorry to avoid all those young men with whistles, whose revels so frequently coincide with ours.

Would it be possible for you to assist in some way?

Words of Wisdom

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

— Winston Churchill

Top Tip!

  • Negotiated Congress

    Ms Zimmer has offered us some advice regarding negotiated congress which, although she is amply qualified, we have had to decline since her qualifications expired some time ago. (Indeed, due to the Trade Descriptions Act she now has to offer the promise of “a horrible time”.)