The Hackney Marsh Debacle of 2002

To: Sarah-Jane Chlamydia Rossington-Smythe.

Subject: The Horror of Hackney

One begins to suspect that any event is not without its eventualities. Thankfully, although my arm still suffers the occasional spasm, the bruising has much abated and most of my ladies are similarly recovered. Sadly I fear Ms. Gray will be permanently scarred by her experiences, as will Ms. Leopold who is still muttering about what she saw in that marquee – in fact we can barely get a word of sense out of her.

The tea? Well of course my ladies are always ready to sally forth with a knife and a brisk spreading action and we have been practicing for quite some years now what with our many engagements – tea dances, parties, wakes and the like.

Incidentally Ms. Zimmer regretfully sends her apologies and insists that the money she obtained from transporting all those ladies – especially those with the dungarees – will henceforth be given to an appropriate charity, which in all fairness would suggest that there is some good in everyone (even those for whom the good Lord has set aside space on his own prayer list).

Do you have any suggestions about our next meet as I feel myself a little devoid of thought? Indeed I am rather regretting taking those vitamins myself as I still seem to slip away and I can never quite remember what happens. I think must be allergic.

Yours

Batty.

Words of Wisdom

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too.

— Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

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